Initial read through

[Gilvan Blight]

Here are some things I found on my initial read through. I will be posting as I read, so not sure how long this will be.

First note: playtesting in pdf stinks, I can't copy paste to show where issues are.

The Name: personally I don't like it. I see it and I just think of the man that might have been president (yes I know it's spelled different). Just keep thinking there has to be somethign better... Maybe even Carry with a coloan and something else. Carry: It's not what you brought with you, it's what you bring home... I don't know...

Page 2: Sentance starting "This exporation includes..."
very run on sentance. Includes this and this, as well as, or this and that. Break this up.

Maybe:
"Carry will explore the tension and conflic created by their situation including psycological rammifications. Conflic, tension, shock, fear and madness will all be explored."

Carry will not work as a Light Hearted Romp... hmm... we may have a problem. Okay need to save this playtest for some special night then, not our usual Sunday game, and definately not replacing Feng Shui.

Should you really call them Fodder right out? If you are taking this seriously, it just doesn't seem right to be calling them that off the bat.

Page 2. You go on about Americans, and the War. Realize this will be an international game, that is about to get a bunch of Canadian playtesters.

And I got to page three before an emergency happened at work... more later.

[Gilvan Blight]

Got a bit more read.

On page three.

He belives in Americas mission to spread democracy.

That should be America's

Next paragraph. He used to believe in Americans mission... again should be America's

And yes I know it's ironic that I am correcting spelling/grammer on this board based on they way I type here. But I don't plan on selling my posts.

Burdens: an example of this process would be great... the passing around part. I didn't find what the second and third people write very clear.

Good job on including the 'interview' to find out what people's personally boundries are, but why Were you in the military?

Page 5. You talk about dice pools but reading this it sounds like you only end up with one die each (more for the GM).

"After everyone has finished slecting die, each player"

Here is more confusion. Again, should that be selecting "a die" or "dice"

Language. You use some coarse language, not sure if you want that for something going public, or if you need to put something on the back stating that this game is for a mature gamer.

Page 14... secretly choosing dice. I assume by reading this that each player would have some form of screen to hide their dice pool. Again it mentioned selecting from a pool, which still confuses me from above. I did note it was one die per year of service, that was listed somewhere but not in the section about dice pools.


Page 14 was just confusing and not clear. Pushing burdent die etc, and example would really help.

Oops got to page 21 and found examples.... Well change above to insert examples where appropriate.

Example of endgame. This particular one, I would love to see an example monologue.

[hamsterprophet]

/me duly notes typographical errors.

Worry not, I'll be getting a competent editor before it goes to press!

For playtest purposes, I don't really care about the play experience as such. So don't feel like you have to be Grimmy McGrimgrim to playtest, as long as you pay attention to how the rules work!

The "American writer/american audience" is more "so if this doesn't resonate with an international audience, thats why" note. Like, I don't expect a Dutch group to have a similar cultural background that includes Vietnam to Americans. I have no idea how the war was viewed in Canada, for example.

"Was anyone in the military" is because I could see someone who is/was having a pretty serious reaction to the fundemental attitute of the game. One of my Dreamation players was in the military, and felt like it was something he wanted everyone to know before we started. Stuff like that.

There should be a big, bold note about the examples being after everything else. Sorry about that. Is there anything that the examples didn't clear up?

Langauge will probably stay coarse, and there will definitly be a Mature Players Only label on there somewhere.

For secretely choosing, I just have everyone put one hand in front of their dice pool. Works fine.

To clear up the dice pool stuff: Everyone creates Burdens and choses a character. Going from the Grunt with least Months In to the Grunt with most, each player selects a single die of any size. Start over with the least Months In character if need be. Once there is 1d4, 1d6, 1d8, 1d10 and 1d12 on the table, everyone then selects any combination of additional dice to fill their dice pool up to their Months In. So, if you have Alice playing a Months In 3 character, Bob a Months In 4, and Charlie a Months In 5:

Alice takes 1d4. Bob takes 1d10. Charlie takes 1d8. Alice takes 1d12. Bob has to take 1d6. Now, Alice has 2 dice, so she takes 1 more to fill her pool to 3. Bob has 2, and takes 2 more of any combination to fill his pool to 4. Charlie has 1, and takes 4 more of any combination to fill his pool to 5. The GM now takes 6 dice of any combination (2 x number of players).

Make sense?

[Gilvan Blight]

Yep that clears up the dice pools. As for the examples being clear, pretty sure I covered that in my other post, will double check when I get to it and if not come back and edit this.

Didn't mention it so here is the edit:

Examples were pretty good but one that could really use some help is the Endgame. The monologues. Maybe an example Victory Monologue or an example Defeat Monologue. Just not sure what the players should/can be saying here.

Actually the game is short enough you could probabably go through an entire session on just a couple pages. The existing examples follow the same group, just a bit more meat in all of them would give an excellent showcase of play.

Think there was something else, but short on time. If I think of it/see it later I will post it.

On a side note; anyone else give this a read through yet? Link to the file is on the Carry Thread in the main Playtest Beta board.